Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
