It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
