Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
