You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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