can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
