I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I touched a dick in church today
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
