So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
