blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
