some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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