take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
