You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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