Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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