Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
this is an emotional support booty call
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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