remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
