Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
