I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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