I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
