She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
