i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
