His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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