I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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