I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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