Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
