I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
