Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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