Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
