I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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