Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
