Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
