The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
