i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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