the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm at about main and main street
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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