Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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