Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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