I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
