p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
