ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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