I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
