I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
