Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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