I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
