McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
