just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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