i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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