I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
