i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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