i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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