I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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