You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
