Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
