U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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