every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
