if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
