That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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