dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
