i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
