Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
