i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
