so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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