in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
