I want to stick my p in your. b.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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