You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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