was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
